It hurts.

I'll write in my blog all my worries.Not in my diary,I'm too lazy,but here.No one reads this,and the more I keep it in,the worse I feel.My best friend/pen-pal can't know,she's a part of it.

Haha,nothing too dramatic.Or maybe a bit.She's one of my best friends.She told me things about her not many knew,or know.She trusted me,I didn't betray her,but I worried,a lot.She wanted to commit suicide,she hears voices,she self-harmed.Outside she seemed "perfect".Perfect grades,looks,personality.On the inside she hurt,a lot.I don't get why,neither does she.I want to help,I want to help her,but how?It was a worry,a constant though in the back of my head,what if she does do it this time?Then her mother read her diary,the parts where she talks about these things.So her mom knows,that made me feel so much better.Safer,somehow.

Next thing.I like a guy,lets call him Pete.My friend Andy(nickname) likes his friend Daniel(another nickname).I think Daniel likes her back.I also think Pete likes her.It hurts,and hurts,and hurts.But I can't show that,it's a privet form of self torture,a small voice saying "he likes her,not you.How could you ever imagine he liked you?"So I get really down,people ask "Whats wrong?"But I can't tell.Why do I think that?The way acts around her,laughing,joking,looking at her,listening to her.He doesn't do that to me.Now I think that all of my friends saying that he likes me is a lie.Liars,it hurts!See?Jealousy is consuming me,bit by bit.I try to resist,but it's so hard.

A Childish Game :D

I had soooooooooooo much fun today :3 Me and my friends met up,went around shops.It was fun,just looking at clothes,criticizing and laughing xD

Then we went to Eddie Rockets,my friends ordered food.I'm broke,like usual,so my wonderful friends SHARED!!!!!!!!Ahh,love you guys <33333333333

Ummm,the funniest moment?We went to Mothercare shop and pretended I had a 11 month old son called Edgar.I think we overdid the spectacle,but we had fun,and got a few strange glances xD

Then Alice and Diana went back home on bus,me and Camilla went home.We had a good conversation,no awkwardness like it has been lately!!!!!Then we hung out for a few hours.We came up with a plan!!!!!*^*
We'll go to our local church and ask the priest a lot of random/stupid/interesting question o3o
Yes,this is how bored we are >3< But it'll be interesting >:3

Hmmm,I just did something that may be seen as stalkerish or bad,but it's not ;3;
You see,I told my friend I'll draw a picture of her and the guy she really likes and their future kids.Ha ha,it's actually a great idea,it'll cheer her up >3< But I need to see his body shape and face to draw him.....sooooo I went to his FB account and downloaded ONE of his pictures and my friends one.Thats not too bad,is it?I hope she'll understand the reason,she possibly thinks I like him.But she knows for sure I really really really like his best friend,so I don't like the guy she likes :)

Just heard a great song,Shontelle - Impossible.It's great,love her voice :) But I like Maddi-Jane's version more,she has a superb voice :D Wish I had such a pretty voice!!!!!!

Oh yeah,my dad will give me a 100 euro for my good grades :D
Sooo a major YaY for him :D But he still grumbles about meh,so maybe not =3=

Goodnight <333

Motivation :D

I feel soooo motivated for the past 2 days >:D So great cuz usually I'm very lazy TT^TT But not now,I have goals which I want to achieve,to prove them all wrong...that I can!!!!!!

Whoops,did that sound like random ramblings of a lunatic??????Kekekekeke,sorry,I'm in a maniac motivation mode,it uses up tons of energy but it's easier than the constant "Screw it,does it even matter?"mantra.So what changed?My perception on the world,my view on it.I felt so unmotivated,so bored,so trapped because......-drumroll please-I kept telling myself I didn't matter,nothing mattered.But now I thought..and thought...if I don't matter to myself,then who will care about me?If I don't care about myself,how can I expect anyone to care about me?It helped,it helped soooo much :D

Things are so-so with parents.They moan and complain and shout and don't try to be understanding so why should I?I try to tell myself,they're just angry,thats anger speaking but WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT CHANGE?IS THAT ALL THEY THINK OF ME?THAT I'M A STUPID IDIOT AIRHEAD WHO KNOWS NOTHING AND DOES NOTHING???Do they even TRY to understand me?I keep my temper under control,I'm no drama-queen,but even that can slip.They think they're being so bloody nice to me,well screw them.Dad gives my lil sis money for nothing.Did he ever do that to me???No,he fucking didn't!!!!Mum thinks she's fooling someone with I-Don't-Have-Favorites attitude but that bullshit.I know she like lil sis more.Or does she buy her clothes all the time and toys and sweets and give hugs to her all the time for nothing?Pfft,who are you trying to fool here people? =.=

Apart from my obvious anger I'm grand,the weather's fine and I'm going out with my friends tomorrow :D

The boy still didn't reply,I'm getting over it,but I won't see him until September.And he goes to a different school.I'm upset TT^TT I wish I went to his school...was in his class.....<33333333333 But I'm not,stop this wishful thinking........

Yeah,well,bye now <3

Sad

My friend Alice(pseudonymous tee-hee :D)is getting cyber bullied.By her ex-best friend.That bitch insults her so much,I'm tempted to send her a piece of my mind.But Alice says not to do it.I see her point,who am I to interfere?But I'm so angry at her.D:<

I'm rather intrigued by fortune telling at the moment.See,this is what happens when you're bored out of your mind and have NOTHING to do.Well,card fortune telling.It's fun,but my brain is a mess and I can't understand much,must sleep.

Camille is going to her home country soon,for a month!!!!!Lucky girl,I'd love to go to Russia,but alas,my family lacks money >.>

Must sleep,bye <3

It's starting again *-*

There has been around 5 cases so far when I get into a strict diet for around 5 days.Then sadly I binge,feel guilty,and eat a lot.I was on such a diet last week,but the endless celebrations lately messed everything up.And I had a lot of comfort food for the past 2 day due to that indecent I mentioned in my earlier post T^T

So now I want to start again.Right now.I feel sooo.....motivated I guess.A happy I-Can-Do-Anything sort of a feeling.I won't weight myself until next Sunday(mwa ha ha ha)so I'll see how good is my will-power.I guess at the moment I weight around 58-59kg.Too much.Far too much.I'm starting to develop some sort of a fear of scales to be honest.My dad always asks me to go and weight myself.Then I told him my weight,after a couple of days dieting.He laughed.He calls me fat,so does my mum and one of my friends.I don't like that girl,in fact I despise her at times,but I feel trapped,this friendship is just a mess.She needs me,I don't need her.Can't tell her that,wish I could.She always thinks she's right,always has to be better than you,always has to PRETEND,to boast,to be fake-yeah,as you can see I dislike her.Well screw her,it's summer and I don't want to see her that often.In fact I just tend to avoid her =/

Back to the diet.Easy.Eat practically only fruit and veg.Don't eat after 6.Drink plenty of water.Eat those small vitamin pills that smell and taste nasty,but supposedly are good for you.Thats it.No complications.Healthy and pure.Just lets see how long will I last before cracking up.

Will start to work out a bit,will speed up this process.If I follow this,I'd be in shape before going back to school.Major YaY :D

Broken....

Yesterday my friends did something super dumb.They typed to the guy I really like "I love you"and accidently pressed send.I was horrified ;A;

So of course I sent him another message,explaining and saying sorry.My friends were laughing,the shock didn't settle in until today when I woke up.Crap crap crap,now how the hell am I meant to ask him out?He hates me now.Or thinks I'm a weirdo.Or something worse :(

There I was,expecting a reply that he got what I meant.I was waiting since yesterday evening."Maybe he wasn't online yet,"I tried to reassure myself.Out of curiosity,I checked most recent activities.Apparently he was online and liked something 9 hours ago.And still no reply.I feel HORRIBLE.This isn't my fault,all I want to know is that he understood the message,and I don't know.Can't he reply?God,it's not too hard to type "No worries"like he usually does,is it now?I'm angry at myself,my friends but not at him.Towards him I feel ashamed,guilty.And yet I have done nothing wrong.I'm so sorry :(

Any suggestions on what to do now???;(

Introduction ^.^

A new blog,a new start :)

Hello,hi!!!!!This is a blog,more of a summer project really,that will be about whatever I want it to be about.It's going to be like a diary.Whoever I mention here will be given a pseudonymous,thus they shall never know.Not that they will know,there is no reason in telling ^.^

The introductions are always so awkward,I don't want to make this boring,but mehh,we all know it would be :D Since fact-file style is the easiest way to introduce myself,lets do it *3*

Name-Sasha

Age-14

Favourite color-Black,purple,green,blue :O

Favourite band-2NE1 <333

Where exactly am I,if I said nowhere?!?A little intruging,isn't it?xD

Lolololol,it's Ireland.Thumbs up if you heard of it!!!!!Wait.....this isn't YouTube =3=

Oh well,I've nothing much to say,except list my "Thing To Do Before School Starts"

1.Reach 50kg,yup,REACH IT *^*

2Learn how to write with my left hand,JOINT WRITING *^*Not the kindergarten scribbles you lately produced >.>

3.Finish writing and drawing "Roza-Ezme".I'm a writer wannabe,have I mentioned this before? >:O?

4.Buy a denim mini-skirt ^///^

5.Read Dracula(I MUST I MUST)

Well,it's suckish weather,I have nothing else to write,so I'll wrap things up here and now and be on my way to read more blogs :)